Venetian  Cuisine

       Two vampires wanted to go out to eat, but were having some trouble deciding where to go.  They were tired of the local food in Transylvania and wanted something a little more exotic.  After some discussion, they decided to go to ITALY because they had heard that ITALIAN food was really good.

      So off they went to ITALY and ended up in VENICE.  On a bridge over one of the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited for dinner.   A few minutes later they noticed a young couple walking their way.  As they neared, the vampires made their move.  Each vampire grabbed a person, sucked them dry and tossed the remaining bodies into the canal below.  The vampires were extremely pleased with their meal and decided to have seconds.  Another young couple approached a few minutes later and suffered the same fate as the first -- sucked dry and tossed into the canal below.  Our vampires are now fairly full, but decide to get dessert.   In a short while a third young couple provides just that.  As with the first two couples, these people were also sucked dry and tossed over the rail into the canal.


      The vampires decided that they had had a marvelous dinner but that it was time to head back home.  As they started to walk away they began to hear some singing.  They were puzzled because no one else was on the bridge.  As listened, they realized that it was coming from the canal.  They looked over the rail and saw a big alligator in the water under the bridge, feasting on the bodies.  They listened as the alligator sang:

      Know what he sang?

      No guess?

      You can't imagine what the alligator sang, can you?


      You ready?

       Here it comes ...

       "...Drained wops keep falling on my head..."

Bats  Can be So  Blind

       A vampire bat flies back into his cave after a long night with blood all over his face.   He perches himself on the roof quietly as he can, hoping to get some rest.  But before too long the other bats have smelt the blood.  They gather around him, clamouring to know where he had gone, what he has fed upon.  The bat stammers that he hasn't but they persist.  Finally he sighs and gives in realising that they won't let up until they know, and says "OK follow me!"

       He flies out of the cave, across a valley, and into a dark forest.   Deep in the forest he stops, allowing all the other bats to gather around him, circling in an excited frenzy.

smoker     "Right", says the bat, "Do you see that big oak tree over there?"

    "Yeah, yeah!" reply the other bats, drooling in anticipation.

    "Well, I didnít!" said the bat.


Unwanted Passenger

Two nuns are driving through the Transylvanian countryside one night when a little vampire jumps onto the bonnet of the vehicle viciously hissing and flashing its ominous fangs.  The panicked driver switches on her windscreen wipers but the fiend clutches more tightly to the windscreen, its hisses become more frightening with each second.  Now terrified, the nun switches on her window washers, spraying holy water at the vampire.  But to no avail - the creature refuses to budge.
"Dear God", says the one nun to her companion, "how can we get rid of this thing?".
"Quick Sister, show it your cross!", screams the other.
The nun nods and shouts out the window at the vampire, "GET THE FUCK OFF MY CAR!!"

Vamps in the Bar

Three vampires enter a dim bar in Kent. The barmaid asks "What'll you have gentlemen?"
Flashing his best spooky grin, the first vampire says "I'll have a glass of blood"  When she asks second vampire, he says, "Glass of blood please"  She looks at the third vampire and he smirks and says, "I'll take a glass of plasma"
She shrugs and yells down the bar  "Two bloods and a blood lite".

such a little tease
Is it true that a vampire can't hurt you if you're carrying a torch?
It depends on how fast you're carrying it!

From the mouths of babes: Little Sister wanted to know if a vampire
who was both sang and psi was a bi vampire.

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a cow?
A hamburger that bites back!

What do you say to a vampire who's just found a donor?

How many vampires does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 :::Hissses::: We don't need stinking lightbulbs.

Do do you get re-possessed if you don't pay your exorcist?

Big Bang Theory:  And God said; "Pulleth My finger".

Got a Joke?

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