Two vampires wanted to go out to eat, but were having some trouble deciding where to go. They were tired of the local food in Transylvania and wanted something a little more exotic. After some discussion, they decided to go to ITALY because they had heard that ITALIAN food was really good.
So off they went to ITALY and ended up in VENICE. On a bridge over one of the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited for dinner. A few minutes later they noticed a young couple walking their way. As they neared, the vampires made their move. Each vampire grabbed a person, sucked them dry and tossed the remaining bodies into the canal below. The vampires were extremely pleased with their meal and decided to have seconds. Another young couple approached a few minutes later and suffered the same fate as the first -- sucked dry and tossed into the canal below. Our vampires are now fairly full, but decide to get dessert.   In a short while a third young couple provides just that. As with the first two couples, these people were also sucked dry and tossed over the rail into the canal.
The vampires decided that they had had a marvelous dinner but that it was time to head back home. As they started to walk away they began to hear some singing. They were puzzled because no one else was on the bridge. As listened, they realized that it was coming from the canal. They looked over the rail and saw a big alligator in the water under the bridge, feasting on the bodies. They listened as the alligator sang:
Know what he sang?
You can't imagine what the alligator sang, can you?
Here it comes ...
"...Drained wops keep falling on my head..."
Bats Can be So Blind
A vampire bat flies back into his cave after a long night with blood all over his face. He perches himself on the roof quietly as he can, hoping to get some rest. But before too long the other bats have smelt the blood. They gather around him, clamouring to know where he had gone, what he has fed upon. The bat stammers that he hasn't but they persist. Finally he sighs and gives in realising that they won't let up until they know, and says "OK follow me!"
He flies out of the cave, across a valley, and into a dark forest. Deep in the forest he stops, allowing all the other bats to gather around him, circling in an excited frenzy.
"Right", says the bat, "Do you see that big oak tree over there?"
"Yeah, yeah!" reply the other bats, drooling in anticipation.
"Well, I didnít!" said the bat.