LV Choosing and Finding a Donor
                                                        by Lady CG
 


Most donors seem to prefer to choose their vampyres as opposed to a vampyre finding THEM. The problem is that we vampyres are often a bit too secretive for our own good, when it comes to finding our meals. If a donor cannot SEE you and KNOW that you are a vampyre, chances are they can and will never approach you and offer.

Want a donor? Be more public about being a vampyre! Donors cannot approach you or offer to donate if they do NOT know you are a vampyre!

Fetish clubs, dance clubs, coven and pagan events are all good places to start looking for donors.

In the best of worlds the vampyre / donor relationship SHOULD be symbiotic. Like most relationships, balance tends to be the key, and if everyone is getting what they need, this kind of relationship can be fulfilling AND long lasting. Therefore, some types of donors are more desirable than others.

Otherkin. We all know that because we vampyres all have the same deficiency, vamp-to-vamp donoring is best left for "bonding purposes". But there are many other types of kin who make EXCEPTIONAL donors!

Fae kind are often kind, compassionate, and they can often recognize vampyres without all the effort involved in being what might seem to the average vampyre as "indiscreet" and obvious. In my personal opinion fae are by far your best choice if you can find one.

Weres are also a good and popular choice. Like faekind, therians often recognize vampyres without a vampyre being overly obvious. Weres are also very unlikely to allow a vampyre to overstep boundaries, since they are aggressive enough to demand fair and equal treatment. Because a therian has their own nutritional issues, they often understand, better than any other type of kin, the needs of a sanguinarian. The only drawback to this relationship is that it could get a bit tempestuous if dominance issues arise.

Otherkin are often easy to find. They tend to frequent the same kinds of online message boards as vampyres do, and appear to enjoy similar social situations, if they are social at all. Because otherkin are awakened beings, they tend to give you a lot less grief about being a vampyre and will seldom accuse you of being "out of your mind", unlike a human off the street or straight out of a nightclub.

Cutters and Blood Fetishists. The first thing I need to mention is, when it comes to "cutters" (people who feel the need to cut themselves), please KNOW the person BEFORE you try to feed from them. The majority of people with this coping mechanism will be good, pleasant and mostly emotionally stable people... but not ALL of them are!

Watch for signs of being suicidal . . . take great care to NOT let them cut too deep or too often. Many "cutters" find emotional release in bloodletting, which is fine. They also require a great deal of emotional care and affection. Neglect and a cold vampyre are NOT what these types of donors need. If you find your donor is a cutter, be prepared to be gentle, kind and compassionate. Do not be afraid to give them a bit of extra cuddling, and affection. Kind attention is wonderful for this kind of person and with mutual acceptance, they can often blossom!

Blood Fetishists "get off" on bloodplay. Most blood fetishists I've met seem to think vampyres are "the cutest things!"... Finding a blood fetishist who is open enough to approach you is another thing entirely. If you're looking for more aggressive and sexual feeding than most types of donors offer, a blood fetishist might be the donor you are looking for. Check your local fetish clubs or look online on fetish related boards and e-groups.

"Normal" People. By FAR the most difficult to find, and hardest donor relationships to maintain are normal, well adjusted, everyday human donors. In order for the relationship to remain symbiotic and equal, there MUST be give and take on both sides. In order to maintain balance it’s really important to find out what YOU can give your donor in exchange for what you are getting from THEM.

This same issue crops up in donor / vampyre relationships where the vampyre's "mate", partner, spouse or "significant other" is the donor. If the relationship becomes too one-sided, not only does the vampyre lose their donor, you also lose your LOVE.

My advice? KNOW your donor. Know what they need to feel good and safe and happy with the status quo. Unless you absolutely KNOW that the person is happy with being the ultimate "sub", never assume that they are happy with vampyric Dominance.

Donors are precious, and hard to find. They are giving of their very lifeblood, voluntarily, to keep you healthy. It’s not something you "deserve" or are "entitled to"; it’s not a right. -- It’s a PRIVILEGE! It’s about kindness, and it's about mutual respect. Treat your donor WELL, look after them, and they will probably be with you for a long time. Treat them badly, cause them to be unhappy, behave selfishly, and you deserve to lose your donor. And if you lose a donor in THIS way, don't bother whining to the rest of the community. Your pleas for sympathy will most likely fall on deaf ears.

...In other words, as a friend of mine says: "No Peeing in the Donor Pool!" (Thank you, Mustella!)

Blood Safety Issues

Taking care of your donor and yourself is part of the responsibility of HAVING a donor. Their health is linked to your own. Think about it,

How important is blood testing? It's 2005...HIV and AIDS are rampant. Hepatitis B and C can cause serious damage and even death. HIV testing is VERY important. Vampyres and donors should try and get tested at least every six months if possible.

Some vamps and donors use the Red Cross. While this is a good "back up plan", it’s probably not the most THOROUGH way to be tested. Try to get to a doctor or a lab. There are free clinics in the US if need be. In Canada and many other places, a trip to your doctor is likely the cheapest and best way to get a good reliable and thorough test for blood borne diseases. There are vaccines now for Hep A and B, which both donors and vampyres should look into,

In this day and age I shouldn't need to nag about this one... Know the risks. Minimize them in any way possible.

Cutting Methods

How are you planning to feed? Lancets, cutting, blood extraction? Personally my preference is to let my donor make the cut, if they will. Some will NOT. This SHOULD be a "Donor's Choice" issue. Most donors have a favourite method if they are experienced. IF they -- or you -- are NOT experienced, I suggest you start small.

This is advice I picked up some place that I have always taken to heart: If my donor will NOT make the cut, only TOUCH the razor to the skin, enough to barely part it. When blood wells, stop, and drink.

BE GENTLE. Donors should be treated with kindness and respect, unless they LIKE it rough.

Donors... Insist your vamps are good to you. We need you, not the other way around.

Lancets. Lancets are a pen-like device used by diabetics to extract a small amount of blood for blood sugar testing. They are inexpensive and readily available without prescription, everywhere from Walmart to your local drug store. Lancets vary in price from 10 to 15 dollars and sharp refills are also very inexpensive. The beauty of these little babies is that they are completely sterile (if looked after) and it’s almost impossible to do any SERIOUS damage, as you can with a razor or a scalpel; though you should still avoid MAJOR arteries and veins.

Needles. Using a small needle and syringe is a viable alternative to lancets or scalpels. Though, it’s relatively painless, some people really can't stand needles and syringes. If this is the method you and your donors choose, PLEASE see the list below for articles and info on safe bloodplay! Learning to draw blood is NOT for the "do it yourselfer". Learn to do it correctly, and safely!

Safety

Like safe sex, safe bloodletting works best if you plan ahead. Keep everything you need close at hand, clean and sterile. Lancets, blades, alcohol swabs, Neosporin/Polysporin, bandaids, and a small first aid pamphlet such as "St. John's" gives out, are all essential if you are into bloodplay. A good book or website on phlebotomy is also highly advisable.

Education and care are the keys to avoiding "accidents" that are costly and dangerous to our donors. If your preferred feeding method involves licking and/or sucking on the pokes or cuts, a little travel-size bottle of mouthwash is also a good thing to have handy.

If you or your donors are into blades or scalpels there are additional precautions to adhere to for safety.

Cutting, if done right, should feel more like a fine point pen being drawn across the skin; it should NEVER feel like a slice! Keep the cut small to minimize scarring. Too little blood is by far preferable to too much. If the cut is too small, you can always make another one. But never take the chance of cutting, or allowing your donor to cut, too deep. I keep "butterfly" strips around in case of emergencies; fortunately, I have NEVER needed to use them. But, better safe than sorry.

You can reuse a lancet or blade two or three times in one feeding, as long as you set them on something sterile (a first aid kit gauze pad, for example) but after that discard them in a safe manner (both to yourselves and to the trash person) -- put them inside an old coffee can, or a soda bottle with a cap, or turn them in to a needle a program. Most drug stores will take and dispose of needles and sharps if necessary.

Clean and bandage the cut(s) as soon as possible, especially if you in an area that tends to be hot & humid. Neosporin/Polysporin and a bandaid will do a lot to minimize or eliminate scarring. A little Vitamin E also helps a lot and saves your donor having to explain to family and friends that they just have a "really vicious cat".

Some donors clot better than others. I'll even go so far as to say that some donors clot too quickly for the comfort of their feeding vampyre. If you have a donor, who clots far too quickly, do not cut deeper or longer to compensate.

Blood flow can be increased by having your donor drink some wine, or take aspirin, 20 minutes or so before feeding starts. A nice warm bath is also excellent for increasing blood flow, cleaning the skin, and relaxing the donor.

One important tip -- Warm the hands or whatever you are going to feed from. -- If the hands are cold or your donor is cold in general, blood flow to the fingers will be sharply reduced. Though I am a Vampyre, I KNOW that veins can disappear into tense or cold bodies making it necessary to poke or cut more. Avoid this at all costs. Try to do everything possible to keep the experience non-traumatic for your donor and you are more likely to have the same donor you have now a year from now.

Things to Remember:

Although it's all about feeding, your safety and your donor's safety are your number one priorities! If you or your donor is ever uncomfortable, STOP immediately.

Sterile equipment, gauze, and an antibiotic gel are your BEST FRIENDS! Clean cuts and lancet pokes before and after you cut or poke. Bandage IMMEDIATELY.

Shallow cuts in unobvious places are safest and usually most comfortable for your donor. Never cut "across grain" when cutting a muscle.

Exacto knives, while readily available are NOT the tool of choice! The edges are often rough and can lead to scarring, and the cut can be VERY painful and slow to heal. They are unsafe as a method of extracting blood and better left for their intended purpose... as a household or industrial TOOL!

Know Your Anatomy

Grab a phlebotomy book or online article. Be smart... be safe. It’s the least you can do for the person providing your nourishment.

The following list of texts is generally available through www.amazon.com, or can be ordered through a university bookstore:

  • Grey's Anatomy
  • The Complete Textbook of Phlebotomy
  • Handbook of Phlebotomy
  • Handbook of Phlebotomy and Patient Services Techniques
  • Introduction to Phlebotomy
  • Multi-Skilling: Phlebotomy Collection Procedures for the Health Care Provider (1997. Beverly M. Kovanda)
  • Phlebotomy (1995. Kathleen-McBride EdD,MT(ASCP) et al., ASCP Press)
  • Phlebotomy Handbook (1996. Diane Garza, Kathleen Becan-McBride: 4th Edition)
  • Phlebotomy for Nurses (Dennis Ernst and Catherine Ernst)
  • Phlebotomy Handbook, Teachers Edition (1996. Diane Garza, Kathleen Becan-McBride, 4th Edition)
  • Phlebotomy Principles and Practice: A Text and Workbook (NYA)
  • Phlebotomy Techniques: A Curriculum Guide (Susan Phelan MHS, MT(ASCP); ASCP Press)
  • Phlebotomy: The Clinical Laboratory Manual Services (Lynn B. Hoeltke MBA, MT(ASCP) PBT; Irvine Sci-Tech Books)
  • Procedures in Phlebotomy (1994. John C., Jr. Flynn [Ed])

...and websites like:

http://www-medlib.med.utah.edu/WebPath/TUTORIAL/PHLEB/PHLEB.html
http://www.phlebotomy.com/
http://www.phlebotomypages.com/

Basic "First Aid" for Vampyres and Donors

First off: If you are going to indulge in "blood play", take a first aid course, or at LEAST read a first aid book and keep it HANDY! If you can't do that much for your donor, you should not HAVE a donor.

St. John's Ambulance and The Red Cross offer first aid courses that are excellent and it never hurts to have a first aid course on your job resume. Other courses are readily available in whatever country you reside, so there is really no excuse for not having one.

For those us without access or the financial means to take the above advice, take the time to read through the following online sites:

http://expage.com/page/lacieking
http://www.mayoclinic.com/findinformation/firstaidandselfcare/index.cfm
http://www.healthy.net/clinic/firstaid/
http://www.firstaidsuppliesonline.com/nav.pl

Scarring

The question of how to minimize scarring for donors, comes up a LOT! What can be done to minimize scar formation? In order for a wound to heal properly, several ingredients are needed. First of all, the body needs protein to make new tissue. Unfortunately some people will scar, no matter what. If you have a donor who scars does, be certain to mutually decide if that is acceptable and how much is acceptable, BEFORE you cut!

Besides protein, the body needs adequate levels of the following vitamins and minerals to repair damaged tissue: vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin E, selenium, and zinc.

All Vampyres and donors should buy some vitamin E capsules, or some of the new body lotion recommended for scar and stretch mark treatment. As the cut closes up start applying vitamin E (usually comes in ampules or gel caps that you prick with a pin and squeeze out the Vitamin E oil). It minimizes scaring in an amazing way. It also helps minimize infection and can save you a LOT of hurt and some serious marking later.

Donors should also take vitamin supplements. Vitamin C has been shown to speed up wound healing, and the amino acids lysine and cystine also aid in wound healing and skin growth.

Alpha-hydroxy skin lotions will also reduce scaring AFTER the cut is mostly healed. Alpha-hydroxy lotions contain a weak acid that keep molecules in the skin from cross linking which is part of how scars form.

Another product which works well for minimizing scar tissue formation as well as reversing existing scar tissue is called Scar So Soft. Scar So Soft is a mixture of several different herbal oils along with agents that penetrate and soften the skin. Scar so soft is available at https://naturedoc.com/secure/secure-orders.htm.

DISCLAIMER: The information and products suggested above have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration nor are they intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. IF you have ANY doubts about what you are doing, TALK TO A DOCTOR!

Care and Feeding of Your Donor

Below are some tips and helpful hints for keeping a donor, from the donors themselves. Remember that:

  • Donoring CAN be exhausting for a donor. At least offer food and drink when you are finished!
  • Donors can develop emotional attachments to their vampyre, and can sometimes even become as possessive of their vampyre, as vampyres are, sometimes, of their donors...
  • Extra attention, cuddling, appreciation is an excellent way of providing appreciation for the donor in your life.
  • Many donors relate the feeling after having fed their vampyres to the afterglow from sex.

Remember that a GOOD experience, as a donor, will encourage your donor to want to donate again. Many donors find the intimacy of feeding to be very addictive.

Be mindful of what is going on, and your donor's emotional state. The best vampyres for a donor are the ones who do not get too greedy and forget what is best for the donor, It’s EXTREMELY important to actually give a damn if you hurt or freak your donor out...

Short term donors work fine when both parties involved know they are going to be short term, but I think sometimes vamps bite off more than they can chew. Needing to feed can sometimes make a vampyre tell a donor what they want to hear... and once they have fed they suddenly don't know what to do with the donor. Honesty is the BEST policy!

Donors and vamps just have to get used to some amount of rejection. It is like dating.

Swans (slang for donors and other vampyre-friendly people) have feelings and we can be hurt and driven away. There is no such thing as the perfect donor (unless you're ripping off the Red Cross) because we're human and we all have emotions, feelings, and needs.

One shouldn't rag on your donors and swans in public, and one should not be overly detailed about how great your donor is. Feeding may just be feeding to some vamps, but to many donors it’s very intimate.

Emotionally burning a black swan in public seems to be very bad form!

I'd like to thank all the Donors who contributed to this article. Together we can make donoring safer and kinder for everyone!


----
From Practical Vampyrism for Modern Vampires ©
By Lady CG   Smoke and Mirrors  Email: ladycg@myway.com
Reprinted by LesVampires.org with permission from the author.



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